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Emotional intelligence


Yes, you heard it right !!
You always hear people telling you NOT to be a control freak
But I am telling you to be a total Control Freak !!
Just hear me out....
Think of what you CAN control:
✔Your thoughts
✔Your emotions
✔Your behavior
✔Your action
✔Your reaction
✔Your efforts
✔Words you say
✔How you treat others
The list goes on and on…..
These are things which you can and should control
Now think of what you CANNOT control:
❌How others will react
❌What others will say
❌How others feel
❌How other people should behave
❌What others chose to do (or not do)
❌The economy
❌The weather
❌The stock market
The list again goes on and on…..
These are things which you cannot and should not try to control
Some of these things you can influence, but you cannot control
The problem is that in most cases, our control priority is wrong
You end up focusing most of your time, energy and focus on things which you cannot control (but you still try to!)
Which effectively means that you end up spending less time, energy and focus on things which you could actually control
That in turn means that you usually don't get the results you want, both in personal and professional lives
But when you take control of things which you truly can...
..You can build strong relationships
..You can devote more time and efforts towards the outcomes you want
..You can create more choices and possibilities
..You can create the life you want
Now all this fine, but the real question is :

You know what you should control, but still in most cases, you do the opposite? 


The simplest explanation is that it is relatively easier 

It is easier to get angry than NOT to get angry

It is easier to just say things (which you might regret later) than to exercise control

It is easier to blame others for your failures, than to own up and take charge

It is easier to worry about what others will say or think and NOT act, rather than having the courage to take action

And so on....

You see....

Trying to control your thoughts, your actions, your words etc takes real conscious effort and courage

But it is fundamental to your success and happiness
So here are few ways I recommend you can start off with:

1) Create a daily positive affirmation statement for yourself

Something like this - "I will focus my time and energy on things which I can control"

2) When planning an important task, you can reinforce the affirmation

I will focus on....(the actions you need to take)

I will NOT focus on....(the things which you typical fear or worry about)

For example - let's say you have an important presentation lined up. Your affirmations could be :

I will focus on the preparation and practice for it (and then you actually focus on them!!)
I will NOT focus on what others might say or feel about the way I present

3) When it comes to emotions, reaction and words, practice pausing before you say or react. This simple action can change the way your relationships develop. Step away, reverse count, breathe....Take a pause  

4) Create awareness around what happens when you lose control. For example :

When I focus on what others think about me, it makes me feel.....(describe your feeling)

When I focus on how others might react, it stops me from.....(what action you are not able to take)
As a consequence, you are not able to....(what results you are not able to get due to you not being able to take action)

These are just some of the things you can try out and share, as I would love to know your experience of trying to be a CONTROL FREAK !


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